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    幸福是一種內心的穩定
    作者:擱淺 來源:本站 時間:2019-07-01 閱讀: 字體:
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      我到40多歲的時候才覺得幸福是那么重要,此前我一直覺得自己不是一個幸福的人。后來我才知道,是我錯了,幸福不是那么驚天動地的,不是那么大張旗鼓的,不是像我們想象的需要很多的金錢、需要那種萬丈光芒的時刻。只要我們每一個人努力去爭取、去奮斗,我們就會享有自己的幸福。

      我最早關注到幸福這個問題,其實還是得益于一位德國的哲學家費爾巴哈。他說過,人活著的第一要務就是要使自己幸福。我當時看到這個說法挺驚訝的。我們會覺得我們有很多的小目標,我們會被這個社會的大的輿論所引導,被一些潮流所裹挾。可是,你一定要清楚,這一生你最重要的事情是讓自己幸福。

      我剛才說過,我到40歲的時候才明白了這些事情,源于那時我看到一個小的故事:

      西方某個國家在進行的一個調查研究,題目是“誰是世界上最幸福的人”。因為在報紙上發出了征集答案的征文,成千上萬的信函就飛到了報社。報社組織了一個評選委員會,想看看民眾中對于幸福、對于誰是最幸福的人有怎樣的答案。最后,按照得票的多少,第一名是給自己的孩子洗完澡后懷抱嬰兒的媽媽;第二名是給病人治好了病后目送那個病人遠去的醫生;第三名是,孩子在海灘上自己筑起一個沙堡,夕陽西下的時候,這個孩子看著自己筑起的沙堡時自得其樂的微笑;第四名是給自己的作品劃上句號的作家。

      我看到這個答案以后,心里充滿了悲涼。在某種程度上,這四種幸福在那個時候的我身上其實都已經歷過。我有孩子,給他洗過澡,有抱過他的時候;我原來是醫生,也有治好病人目送病人出院的時候;我可能沒有在海灘上筑起過沙壘,但是在我們家附近工地上的沙堆挖過坑,然后看著旁邊的人不小心掉進去;那時候我已經開始寫作,所以也給自己作品劃上過句號。我之所以難過,是因為我集這些幸福于一身,可是我未曾感到幸福。我想,不是世界錯了,是我自己錯了。我對于幸福的認識和把握,對它的追求,其實有重大的誤區。就在這種情況下,我寫了一篇散文叫《提醒幸福》,后來收入全國統編教材二年級語文里面。

      四十不惑,中國的古話很有道理,時候不到真的不行,到了之后突然就明白了,所以我40多歲才明白了幸福。我現在看年輕時候寫的日記,怎么能有那么多痛苦,但現在其實已經全忘記了。我原來覺得幸福是毫無瑕疵的,它應該沒有任何陰影,應該那樣純粹和美好。但我現在要告訴你們,幸福其實是一種內心的穩定,我們沒有辦法決定外界的所有事情,但是我們可以決定自己內心的狀態。或者簡單地說,幸福其實是靈魂的成就。

      我特別希望,年輕的朋友們從現在開始就懂得珍惜自己的生命和幸福,能明白所有的困苦都是生命過程中我們必然會遇到的。20多歲就能明白幸福該多好,你們會減少很多苦悶。當然,其實無論什么時候認識到幸福對我們如此重要都不晚,只要生命存在,我們就依然可以學習、可以成長。

      在我明白了幸福以后,最重要的一個改變是,我覺得人生可以把握了。在此之前,我能把握的部分很少,因為心靈內部的那種無助感,那種隨波逐流,那種對前程的不確定感,所以常常有一種深層的不安存在著。我現在越來越安寧了,我知道世上有一些事情我無能為力,這些我們都不要去費氣力了。但是有一部分是可以改變的,我們怎么看待自己,怎么看待世界,我們把能改變的那部分盡我所能,按照我們的意志去加以改變。把這些事情做好以后,我心里面的穩定感就極大地增強了。我知道我一定會有災難,因為世上不可能都是陽光燦爛的日子;也知道一定會有人性的幽暗之處在四面八方存在著,而當我把它們看得更清楚以后,我反倒對這個世界多了一份理解。我現在會覺得,這個世界就是如此泥沙俱下,但我依然對它充滿希望,依然可以安然面對。

      我學習心理治療的時候是接受人本主義的流派,我特別喜歡馬斯洛說過的一句話:“做人是一件有希望的好事情。”我覺得人本主義流派有兩大重要的出發點,一個是人性本善,另一個是人是可以改變的。我特別喜歡這兩個基本的出發點,第一個和我們儒家的“人之初性本善”觀點天然吻合;關于第二個,其實任何時候我們都不要把這個世界和自己看得太悲觀,我們應該對別人和自己都充滿希望。我喜歡這樣的一個流派。

      我當心理醫生的時候,聽過許多苦難、挫折、沮喪、悲哀甚至仇恨的訴說。這讓我感動于人世中相依為命的信任感和生命處于困境仍尋求解脫之法的韌性。這會讓我有一種很堅定的信念,即我在這種危機的時刻要和他們在一起,要盡我的力量,以我內心的溫暖去幫助他們。但我仍然知道,每個人的命運是由自己決定的,最后的決定權在他們自己手里,而我會將自己一生所經歷的艱難困苦中收獲的經驗與之分享,會盡我所能幫助他們走過生命中非常泥濘而混亂的時期。當然,我也會確保自己內心的堅定,而不被那種滾滾的濁流所吞沒,我們只是助人自助,最終的力量還是要來自對方的內心。

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